I recently headed to Seattle for a conference. It was an overnight trip so we decided that I would leave the kids at home and go it alone. As I first started driving away—with my mocha and my own music—it was great. I was free. I could play my music. I could stop at whatever restaurant I wanted. I could drive fast or slow and it was up to me. So, that was the first 100 miles.
The next 100 miles petered out a little. Beautiful scenery through Oregon, which was nice. Talk radio filtered in and out.
The final 100 miles things changed quickly. I heard a funny story on the radio that I wanted to tell my husband about and he wasn’t there. Then I passed by a store that I knew my daughter would love. Suddenly my freedom became loneliness. And I did not like it.
During these 100 miles I had time to reflect on what the Scriptures say about times of separation. There is the time where Jesus took 40 days by Himself. He needed this time to pause, to reflect, to gain perspective, to commune with His Father, and to clarify His vision. This was important and necessary for Him to do. An important point of distinction, I realized, is that He wasn’t running from something, but rather to an inner goal.
It is when we are running from something, I think, that the separation is no longer freedom but isolation. Remember how when Jesus was on the Cross, and He said Father—why have You forsaken Me?
and remember how hell is actually described as a complete separation from God? That the separation is what is so tortuous, even more painful that the eternal fire?
So, remembering these things, I realized that the freedom I thought I craved was not freedom at all. It can be hurtful to be alone. Painful. Lonely. As soon as I got service again on my cell phone, I called my family. Told them how much I appreciated them, that I looked forward to seeing them, and that I hoped they could take advantage of this alone time with daddy. Having said that, I was at peace. I was no longer isolated, rather I was surrounded with peace and hope and the promise to enjoy this time by myself, and to return to my family a rested, calmer person.
