Have you ever noticed how a lesson you don’t learn the first time keeps coming back? and back? and back?
One lesson I think Someone is trying to teach me is what I should do when other people don’t do what I want.
I know, it sounds selfish. But think about how many times during the day you simply know something should be done a certain way—a certain traffic route is faster, or this sentence sounds snazzier, or this matches better—and someone else doesn’t agree with you?? Argh!
What is wrong with them? I simply don’t understand how they can not see what is obviously the better choice! I know I am supposed to be a grown-up but it is no secret: I like doing things the way I like to do them.
Now, there are a thousand arguments one could point out—what is best for me is not always best for someone else. I shouldn’t try to control people. People need to make their own mistakes. I need to let go and let God take over. I know these things, but when I get frustrated with someone I can’t seem to remember any of it!
I ran into one of these issues this morning. The more obvious choice for arranging day care and pick-options was not so obvious to someone else. I was trying to reconcile this clash in my mind and I remembered Sister Clare’s beliefs about dying unto self and living with Christ. I must have embraced this idea in a hundred worship songs; I always visualized a suspenseful moment in which I would stand up for my faith as dramatic music played in the background.
This morning I recognized that—at least for me— dying to self isn’t something that happens once. It is something that should happen day after day after day. Did Sister Clare choose, just once, to follow St. Francis? Or did she decide again and again and again? Most likely, she had to recommit to that choice every time she missed something from her old life, or every time a selfish habit she needed to work through re-emerged.
If I choose to die to self, it means I need to give up the parts of my life that benefit me at a cost to someone else. This morning, when I continued to argue my point about day care, I pushed my desires on someone else.
Did the plan we selected make a huge difference? My plan might have saved us five minutes or less, not much of an impact. Was my frustration over someone who could not see the “sheer genius” of my plan worth it? Was my upset over someone else not doing what I wanted them to do worth it? Did I need to show them I was frustrated?
My “self” really wanted things to happen my way, but if I am to die to “self” perhaps it is time to sit back a bit and see what happens when things unroll God’s way.
