There are few innovations that compare with Facebook when it comes to no-waiting-required social feedback, particularly the type of feedback that identifies your considerable character flaws in graphic detail. Dare to suggest a popular plan of action might suffer from flaws and you will be greeted, at the speed of light, with a multitude of invitations to sit down and shut up.
This past week I logged a post on the Manhattan Declaration Facebook page. The post was a link to my article predicting the Declaration would promote hostility rather than peaceful resolution, predicting the Declaration would incite anger rather than productive dialogue. Within moments I was greeted by a small cybermob angrily suggesting I take my peacemaking and shove it. True, maybe I was short on finesse but my prediction the Declaration would tap and incite upset was accurate.
Taking a verbal beating in cyberspace has an upside—the pummeling can motivate valuable “what the heck just happened” reflection. Why, I wondered, would Christians—followers of the Prince of Peace raised on the beatific words “blessed are the peacemakers”—hurl verbal stones at the peacemaker? What had peacemakers done to deserve the flogging so many were eager to deliver? Plenty, as it turns out.
Too often peace has been bought at the price of justice. Parties are forced to make peace while “ground truth” is ignored. A mother punishes two sons equally and warns they will find themselves spending their days staring at a wall unless they learn to co-exist peacefully. Unfortunately, she is either oblivious to the fact or ignores the fact that one son is consistently the provocateur. The other son must suffer continual injustice at the hands of his brother in order to make peace. Such simplistic “mediation” gives peacemaking a bad name.
In addition, the peacemaker frequently lacks the potent tools needed to truly effect a transformation of parties and their relationship. The wannabe all too often relies on idealistic platitudes that degrade peacemaking into appeasement; too often it is accommodation rather than collaboration the would-be peacemaker strives to achieve.
The party that strives for an ethical life chokes on a history of being forced to accommodate unethical opponents. They finally rebel and drive the those scoundrel peacemakers away. They no longer stomach the “lukewarm” Christian conciliator who seeks appeasement; instead, they prepare for battle. They do not have time to listen and they do not have time to discover that you, the trained mediator, offer something quite different—peacemaking that is anything but lukewarm.
The party previously betrayed by unsophisticated conflict resolution lacks the patience to fully consider the failure that will result if they greet intolerance with intolerance, anger with anger, or evil with evil. They fail to understand “turn the other cheek”—a paradox that nonetheless has a real-world practical foundation that leads to ultimate success.
Instead, the party prepared to go to war buys off prematurely on the idea that evil must be confronted with brute force. They fail to see that evil desires a fight; they fail to see that evil thrives on the anger that consumes others. They fail to notice that evil taunts them intentionally, drawing them into the oppositional embrace where evil can hold them tight; they overlook the fact that evil, like a vampire, draws sustenance from the emotions of the overly-righteous.
Combatants blinded by righteousness toss the Golden Rule in the trashcan, failing to realize that when one seeks to dominate and coerce, one inevitably ends up dominated and coerced. They fail to recognize that the axiom “what you sow you shall reap” kicks in regardless of whether one pays it heed or not.
Thus, peacemaking or conflict resolution must rely on sturdier tools. These tools are designed, not to appease or accommodate the unethical party, but rather to bring about transformation of the parties and their relationship. These tools dig deeper into causes and conditions, they unearth the deeper interests in play, and they allow parties to build a bridge to understanding.
We rarely bring about new and transformative awareness by continually yelling at another person or assaulting them. We may bring them into submission for a time but the victory will be short-lived, followed by an insurrection aimed at destroying us. The expression of emotion, even hostile emotion, has a place in the process but such expressions do not make for a good overall strategy
Genuine peacemaking refuses to needlessly demonize others but, at the same time, it recognizes actual evil in the rare cases when it is actually present. And peacemaking does not force the opponent into a defensive posture that only insures they will continue or intensify their harmful behavior. It does not force the other party into a mindless, knee-jerk defense of their ability to be right. Rather, peacemaking uncovers the causes and conditions that led to viewpoints and interests; it transforms hearts and minds.
So we must ask, Do our actions invite the other into dialogue which can transform their world? Or do our actions invite the other to hunker down for a long and bloody fight that will only destroy and not transform lives? Will our approach be skillful or will we let destructive emotions drive us down paths lined with barren vines that produce no fruit?
Paul, speaking to the Corinthians, offered interesting observations:
“If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.”
Corinthians 13:1-6
